Innocent victims of NPD's - be it emotional/physical/sexual (none are 'worse' - this is not a competition and should never be, each experience is unique) will relate to this. And to phobias and phobic reaction
A narcissistic 'influencer' will never, ever allow you to
express an opinion that differs to his. If you do, you will be 'destroyed' NPD's aren't stupid in the least
Schizotypal/Avoidant for example, is ALWAYS the result of long-term 'shaping' (negative influence 'model') from the erosion of natural personality via constant abuse, shaming and fear induction with undermining by older, trusted NPD people, who could instill 'be afraid of everything' - which trusting babies take straight to heart, being afraid is the new 'normal' for them, no matter how contradictory the older 'love' (mother/sister/brother/fad/carer) seems, the child equated the 'strength' with 'corrrect' thinking.
I was fortunate as I was loved by my mother, whom, with hindsight and insight, I believe was a bit autistic but not NPD. However, I had older NPD siblings who are/were, one was schizotypal. He never hurt me. The NPD's/ASPD almost killed me- whilst they were maintaining 'hero' status. Very NPD.
The thing that kept me surviving when I had no personalty, no voice and no sense of 'self' - was great TV shows, that proved I was 'right' - Like 'Little House on the Prairie' and 'Columbo'. TV and radio kept me going all my life. It's great to hear that there is now great advice out there and I recommend these things to help heal from abuse, even if it's 'too late' - you can still recover when you think right! So here's what to do!
NPD's stir and lie. They are great fakers but the 'proof of the pudding' is in how they live. Entitled, scheming, backstabbing and 'phony'.
Get REAL control! 'INSIGHT' !
Identify your labels, identify your feelings,give yourself a narrative - TALK TO YOURSELF OUT LOUD (but quietly, you may have NPD stalker neighbours who WILL get you locked up!)
1. Keep a notepad open all day
2. Write down every decision you make about everything
3 Identify which emotion or combination of, you have
4. At the end of each day, summarise all you learned
5. Understand and note down all feelings of 'reaction'
6. KNOW that your reactions are often a mistake, learn to master all of them - not just fear
Do this for two months, start again as you may fail at first. Keep trying, persist.
During this time, do two things - learn to focus, learn a new hobby.
Meantime, the best books for me (READ THE COMMENTS) are John Bradshaw's
Elizabeth Lucye Robillard